My favorite shards

A parody of the song from The Sound of Music (music: Richard Rodgers, lyrics: Oscar Hammerstein II). The verses about Eric Flint’s 1632 universe (the Assiti Shards), moved out of My favorite things. Explanations: spoilers.

Rogue mercenaries 1632, the first novel in the 1632 series
Who rape and who plunder,
Mike Stearns and his men who
Plant them six feet under
A stern warning We don't know who these murdering raping bastards
are that we put here. Don't much care either. If there
are any more of you out there, be warned. This area is now under the protection of the UMWA. If you try to harm
or rob anybody we will kill you. There will be no further warning. We will not negotiate. We will not arrest you.
You will simply be dead.
We guarantee it.
Go ahead. Try us. of just
What such conduct brings,
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Guardsmen deserting, Rebecca Abrabanel’s hired Landsknecht escort abandons her and her father the instant Tilly’s mercenaries are spotted: We’re not getting paid enough for this!
a father is dying, Balthazar Abrabanel — physician, philosopher, translator of Galen — is in the grip of a heart attack even before the mercenaries appear.
Gentleman’s English, The tall, blue-eyed stranger at the carriage window has every mark of a Spanish hidalgo to Rebecca’s eyes — except that no hidalgo would ever speak English, “a tongue for pirates and traders.”
no Spaniard replying, He is Mike Stearns, not a hidalgo at all — blunt-nosed and plainly featured next to the raptor beauty of Sepharad’s legends — though Rebecca won’t fully register the mismatch until well after the shooting stops.
No blood on his sleeve, Stearns walks out alone to draw the mercenaries’ fire from the carriage, borrowing James Nichols’s pistol. When it’s over, only his sleeve is torn: No blood. No blood.
the comfort it brings, Rebecca collapses into his arms afterward — a moment she will spend years turning over, and one she says never brought quite such a glow to her heart again.
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Not why, says Balthazar, At the Roths’ house, Mackay — Gustav’s own captain — can’t understand why the Americans rescued Balthazar and Rebecca and asked nothing in return: Why aren’t we rapists and thieves? Mike demands of him, almost a challenge.
but simply testing,
whether one instant Balthazar answers for Mike, then turns the real question back on Mackay: Ask him, Mackay. Ask him again. But do not ask: why? Simply ask: did you even think twice? Or even once, for that matter?
of doubt was arresting,
There was no choosing, The answer is the point: Mike never hesitated at all.
and see what it brings,
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Balthazar's question At the Roths’ house: My daughter seems much taken by this Michael Stearns.
comes mild, and unhidden, His tone is friendly and mild — the words themselves, an open invitation.
Gentle from Judith,
but blunt and unbidden, Judith, hesitant: He’s a fine young man. Morris cuts her off: Bullshit… I’m not going to dance around about this.
Whatever his blood, Morris, apologizing for his language even as he presses on: Mike Stearns is the closest thing you’ll ever find in this world to a genuine goddamn prince, and that’s all there is to it.
a true prince he brings, Gentile or not.
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Young teenage girls Anna Braun, fleeing from mercenaries who raided her farm. who
Are fleeing in terror
A farmer George Blanton, a farmer living alone after his wife and son died who thinks her
A tourist, He still thinks that he's in his own time and place, she speaks German, so he assumes that a tour bus has had an accident. in error,
Macaroni and cheese is
The food that he brings,
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Rogue mercenaries
Camp followers harry.
Some look to Gretchen Maria Margaretha "Gretchen" Richter, a camp follower in a Catholic military force of about 2,000 men, who has taken many fellow captives under her wing.
Who is rather scary.
She will protect
Those under her wings.
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

A bright teenage boy Jeff Higgins, a teenager from Grantville, West Virginia. Mike watches Jeff and his three best friends — Larry Wild, Jimmy Andersen, and Eddie Cantrell — and thinks: Ah, yes. D’Artagnan, and the Three Musketeers.
Told to stay out of trouble. If you can, warn off Hoffman’s men. But they probably won’t listen to you, and I don’t want you taking any chances. Don’t do anything else until the reinforcements arive.
After one army was
Turned into rubble.
Aid Hoffman’s men have spotted the camp followers. Jeff makes a deliberate, principled choice that puts his safety at risk, in violation of his orders: Over my fucking dead body! Deliberately, slowly, he lowered the bike’s kickstand and climbed off. Then he removed the shotgun slung over his shoulder. All four members of the group abandon the mission to help; Larry Wild speaks for them: Mike can kiss my ass! Hold on, Jeff—I’m coming! to poor Gretchen
And her folks he brings.
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

The dying Diego Diego The Spaniard is a greatly feared mercanary. He is badly wounded, but Gretchen is afraid that he might survive,
Who demanded water
Sweet gentle Gretchen
Says, “You are for slaughter” Diego has been eyeing Gretchen’s 14 year old sister Annalise; Gretchen has decided to kill him to protect Annalise from rape.
Much needed concealment Gretchen does not want to be seen killing Diego.
Jeff Higgins then brings. Jeff blocks the view of Gretchen and Diego from potential onlookers.
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Worried Gretchen Richter,
The burdens she carries,
And young Jeff Higgins,
The man whom she marries Jeff is worried that Gretchen will fall into prostitution in the belief that she has no other options. Concerned for her future he proposes marriage. When she begins to shake her head, he responds Yes, I do. Ja, ich muss.
Who for his proposal
A lexicon Jeff Higgins doesn’t know German, and Gretchen Richter knows little English, so he picks words out of a dictionary to propose. brings
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Pressed into soldiering, tormented, haunted, Hans Richter — Gretchen’s younger brother — is forcibly conscripted into the mercenary Ludwig’s band after their family is destroyed and their printer father killed at Badenburg; he survives by staying too drunk to take part in the worst of it.
Hired for a print shop, the trade that he wanted, Rescued and nursed back to health after Grantville’s arrival, Hans is hired to help newspaper publisher Mr. Kindred rebuild a print shop the old way — his own father’s trade, and the one thing he still has to call his own.
Pickups and papers, the joy that it brings,
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Drove every pickup as if in a panic, Hans falls instantly and permanently in love with the up-timers’ motor vehicles, and learns to drive nearly all of them.
Fishtailed with joy in a fashion quite manic, Jesse Wood recalls that “if Hans hadn’t been driving like a maniac to begin with, the pickup would never have fishtailed — even if the kid had pulled out of it with style and verve.” James Nichols privately has his own doubts about “the young German’s recklessness” behind the wheel.
Trucks need repair now, the worry it brings, Racing a laboring mother to the hospital, Hans gets her there “in record time” — the pickup needing “extensive body work” afterward. They were still late; the baby had already been born.
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Gretchen thinks Becky Rebecca “Becky” Abrabanel, daughter of the physician and philosopher Balthazar Abrabanel, betrothed to Mike Stearns.
looks terribly worried,
Annalise snaps back, Grantville’s first television broadcast since the Ring of Fire, September 10: Gretchen, watching with her new husband Hans and the rest of the family, thinks Becky looks nervous on screen with Mike.
serenely unhurried, Her sister Annalise: That’s nonsense. Becky is never nervous.
Cool as whatever
composure it brings,
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

How she looks naked Recruiting Jena’s male students to the newly-named Committees of Correspondence, Gretchen snorts: Stupid boys. They’ll think of nothing but what I look like naked.
is all they'll be thinking,
Bringing Jeff also, I will bring my husband with me… He’s an intellectual himself, which I most certainly am not. The students will understand him better.
their courage soon shrinking, Inga: They’ll be so scared of him, too.
Sweet, ruthless Gretchen, Privately pleased that Jeff will hear how frightening he seemed, Gretchen lets none of it show. Her eyes go cold and grim: Yes, they will. Sehr gut!
the fear that it brings, In the same visit she decrees literacy lessons for the illiterate women of the household, and takes fifteen-year-old Gertrude back to Grantville to be schooled rather than sold.
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Jungers approaches Max Jungers, warned off harassing another woman days earlier, makes himself a silent promise to settle the matter alone. He finds Gretchen on a Jena street, hand resting on his dirk.
with menace and dagger, He swaggers toward her, grinning.
Gretchen stands still, A 9mm automatic sits in her shoulder holster, hidden by deliberately oversized garments.
quite unmoved by his swagger, Jungers never recognizes the pistol for what it is — not even when the first shot fires.
One shot, Mathilde, standing ten feet from the body: Come. He was nothing but garbage… Just another street killing.
and garbage is all that it brings, When Jeff returns from relieving Jena with the victorious American relief force, he doesn’t bother investigating his own wife’s kill.
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Oh sweet young Julie Sims,
so caring and tender, In the ambush relieving Jena, right after the Battle of the Crapper, Mike tests her resolve before she opens fire: This isn’t target shooting, Julie. Or deer hunting… One shot, one kill — and you’re killing men, not animals. Men with faces you can see. Her answer is not denial but a story: Did Uncle Frank ever tell you the story about the first time I went deer hunting? How I cried like a baby after I shot my first buck? … The deer was so pretty. And it had never done me any harm. She turns to her observer, Karen: Hey, Karen! Those guys look pretty to you? “Nope,” Karen replies. “Ugly bastards. Mean looking, too. Look more like wild dogs than cute little deer.” Julie bares her teeth: That’s what I thought. Hey, Karen! Watcha think they’ll do — to you and me, I mean — if they get their hands on us? “Won’t be trying to sweet-talk us into the backseat of a car,” Karen mutters. Julie, solemnly: That’s the whole problem with allowing men into combat. You guys are just too emotional about the whole thing.
if you’re in her crosshairs Julie’s rifle is a Remington Model 700, .308, fitted with an ART-2 scope — a gift from her father three years earlier. Karen spots for her through an M49 spotting scope, Frank Jackson’s own contribution to his niece’s biathlon ambitions.
your flesh she will render, Moments later she opens fire for real, dropping one mercenary after another with her scoped hunting rifle — the men, unlike that first deer, get no tears. When a shot goes wide, Uncle Frank talks her through it (“Just buck fever… you aren’t wide, just off your elevation”), then scolds her for her language — and gets mocked for his own hypocrisy in return: You? Foul-mouth Frank himself? Ha!
no pity for mercenaries
whatever it brings,
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

The King mocks her crosshairs, Tilly holds the far bank of the Lech from a position his own side considers nearly impregnable — flanks anchored on fortifications, batteries massed in the center, the river and a marsh in front of it. Gustav II Adolf borrows Julie’s scoped rifle to study the ground for a way across anyway, then hands it back complaining of a distracting flaw: two black lines meeting in the center of the eyepiece — the reticle itself.
a flaw in her sight,
She proves it dead-on, Insulted (“royal temper be damned”), Julie takes the rifle back and drops one Bavarian officer after another at five hundred yards, on the king’s own order.
dropping men left and right,
not an ounce of respect Afterward Julie glares at Gustav “with grotesque disregard for all proper etiquette in the presence of royalty” over his teasing — until he wins her over, and the two of them trade grins. Watching, his bodyguard Anders thinks of “a chipmunk and a bear beaming in mutual approval.”
for the crown, nor for kings,
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

A glare for her King, Julie glares at Gustav “with grotesque disregard for all proper etiquette in the presence of royalty” over his teasing about her marksmanship.
then a grin, unrehearsed,
Prickly no longer,
her anger dispersed,
He sees chipmunk and bear, Gustav wins Julie over, and the two of them trade grins. Watching, his bodyguard Anders thinks of “a chipmunk and a bear beaming in mutual approval” — the first time that simile is used of the two of them, well before Julie herself embraces the wounded “Captain Gars” the same way.
the friendship it brings,
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Drunkenly challenges Jealous after Mackay drops a charging boar with a shotgun, impressing Julie, her former boyfriend Chip challenges him at the Thuringen Gardens after too much beer.
Mackay to battle, And punches him first, without ever asking his choice of weapons.
Chases him through the crowd, Outraged by the sucker punch, Mackay draws his saber and politely chases Chip through the packed tavern, asking onlookers to step aside as he goes.
pool tables rattle, An off-duty deputy, deep in his cups, rules the duel legal and orders Chip be given a saber too — though he has no idea how to use one.
Steel meets a pool cue, Cornered among the pool tables, Chip swings a cue at Mackay; it is “transformed into toothpicks in a matter of seconds.”
and loudly it rings, Mackay, ever the gentleman, then offers to switch to pistols at Chip’s choice of range. Dan Frost finally halts the duel as illegal; Mike Stearns bans dueling outright, anywhere in American territory.
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

A proud Swedish monarch Lapp and Finnish scouts riding with Gustav II Adolf spot a large cavalry column cutting cross-country through the Thuringenwald. He works out the target himself before anyone at Grantville has the slightest idea: too small a force for Suhl, wrong route for Saalfeld — a raid meant to destroy Grantville outright. Outnumbered five to one, he decides to pursue anyway, adopting the field alias “Captain Gars” along the way — unlike at the Lech, where Julie already knew exactly who he was.
who travels in disguise,
kind Finnish healers “Kind healers” is bitter irony: Finnish cavalry were known for aggression, brutality, and sheer terror, driven home with grim determination — mercy and prisoners of war were not concepts they dealt in. That is the cure Grantville needs.
come along as his guys,
a grim quietus to Croats, The Finnish cavalry rout the surviving Croat raiders once they reach the school, ending the attack for good.
that gladly he brings,
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Croatian marauders
who are quite unruly,
doughty defenders ask,
“Can you shoot this, Julie,” James Nichols thrusts a rifle at Julie Sims: Can you handle a .30-06 semiautomatic? We’ve got two of them, but they’re the only rifles in the whole damned school. Julie: Is that a joke? I can shoot anything! Later, mid- battle, reloading, she needles him with his own question thrown back in a mocking singsong: ‘Can you handle a .30-06 semiautomatic, Ju-lie?’ Nichols, grinning, offers his own rifle instead: Why don’t you do the shooting and let me reload for you? “Good idea,” she growls.
Great Gustavus Adolphus, The Finnish cavalry that break the Croats’ siege of Grantville High School are led by a mysterious “Captain Gars” — revealed to be Gustavus Adolphus, King of Sweden, riding incognito — the same king Julie already knows well from the Lech.
the aid that he brings,
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

To the Croats a demon, “A few of the Croats, by now, understood that the murder was being rained upon them by a demon. A monster taking the form of a girl. A pretty one, too, to make the horror worse.” The joke is the mismatch: a cheerful show tune describing a body count that, played straight, is flatly NSFW. Measured against that reality, “demon” still grossly understates the case. She is closer kin to Ate come hot from hell, to the Furies, to Nemesis, and to the Norns — ruin, vengeance, retribution, and an inexorable, already-woven fate, all wearing a pretty girl’s face.
a monster in disguise,
The angel of death reaping, Repeated refrain describing Julie’s rifle fire during the siege: “The angel of death reaped and reaped” ... “Another angel of death began sweeping its scythe” ... “The angel of death went back to the field, reaping with a fresh scythe.”
a scythe in her eyes —
Those staring at the window, “Those Croats who were foolish enough to spend time studying the window usually died within seconds.”
their own death it brings,
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Like a chipmunk who fiercely
embraces a bear,
Julie hugs the King tightly,
angrily aware
of the risk to himself Once the siege is broken, Julie throws herself on the wounded “Captain Gars” — “much like a chipmunk might embrace a bear,” the second time that simile is used of the two of them — fully aware exactly who he is, and objecting loudly and at length to his own reckless folly in exposing himself to danger.
that his own boldness brings,
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Paladin wings, and a kiss, and some crying, Now a trained pilot, Hans is formally betrothed to Sharon Nichols — a legally binding German custom, which is why she has him move in with her that same night. Pinning his wings on him, she is already fighting tears. Jesse will later call him the only paladin he ever met; Sharon claims the word for him too.
Flights with her angel, no more to be flying, Sharon often flies with Hans as his observer. Hans himself once mistook her, waking from near-fatal wounds, for “an angel of death” who turned out to be “an angel of life” instead.
Widowed unwed, and the sorrow it brings,
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Germs never pause James Nichols explodes at Quentin Underwood over “Dutch disease” and a supposed “United States immune system”: The bacteria and viruses which carry epidemics don’t give a flying fuck about your precious borders and your fine political distinctions.
to consider your nation, Do you think a germ stops when it gets to your nose and says: ‘Oh, no! Mustn’t infect this man. He’s a fine and respectable Murikun’… I’ll just have to find me a scruffy no-good Dutchman or Kraut or Frog or Dago’?
Twenty-five million, The Black Death started in China, killing an estimated twenty-five million there before reaching Europe through India and the Middle East.
a Black Death migration, Killing another twenty-five million, a third of the continent, within two years of reaching Paris.
No passport checked, The bacterium’s invisible to the human eye… Ain’t no border guard checking papers gonna spot it.
and no mercy it brings, James’s real point: the only lasting protection is spreading sanitary and medical knowledge across all of Europe, not hoarding a limited stock of antibiotics.
These are a few of
My deadliest things.

[hook]

Avenging his friends with a fury undying, At the Battle of Wismar Bay, Hans watches two friends, Eddie and Larry, die when their speedboat is destroyed, then presses a furious solo rocket attack on the Danish ship responsible.
Turned to the warship, no longer for flying, Hit and bleeding out, one rocket jammed, Hans waves off Jesse Wood’s signal to return and land, and deliberately turns back out to sea instead.
A field bears his name now, the legend it brings, He rams the Danish warship Lossen, his last thoughts on Gretchen — “she had been his steel angel; now he would be hers” — and on Sharon. Within weeks, two airfields carry his name: Richter Field at Wismar, and Hans Richter Field near Grantville itself.
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Square for his statue, a name for a nation, At a mass rally in Magdeburg, Mike Stearns commissions a monument on the spot — “can’t have a Hans Richter Square without a Hans Richter monument” — openly using Hans’s memory to force the Confederated Principalities of Europe toward real, unified government.
Vengeance to triumph, in waves of elation, The crowd’s genuine rage at the princes dissolves into “triumph in full flood” when the Belle II flies over the square at exactly the right moment — “impromptu theater,” Jesse calls it, “of course. Mike’s specialty.”
Mike's private tears, though a triumph it brings, Even as he stage-manages the day, Mike stops to weep, if only briefly, for “young men he had once known and would always treasure” — the blood of heroes which had made it all possible.
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Becky's own word for him: In the verse, Becky’s word for Hans is hidalgo. In the book she reached for that word earlier, for Mike: watching him walk out alone to draw the mercenaries’ fire, she is certain he must be a hidalgo, even though he is “not quite in the hidalgo way,” blunt-nosed and plainly featured next to the raptor beauty of Sepharad’s legends. This time it is Hans.
highest of praises, Despite the savagery of the Inquisition and the expulsion by Spain’s actual hidalgos, Sepharad’s exiled Jews still called it “the highest praise, amongst them, to call a man hidalgo.”
Sharon's own word for him: Jesse Wood will later call Hans “the only paladin he ever met” — a rescued, forcibly-conscripted refugee turned mechanic, about as far from storybook chivalry as a man can be.
one of the phrases, Sharon “claims the word for him too” the night she pins his pilot’s wings on, already fighting tears.
Different words, One drawn from Sepharad’s Hebrew and Spanish literary tradition, the other from American chivalric romance — two women, two unrelated vocabularies.
and the same praise it brings, Both reaching, independently, for a word that means the same thing: the finest kind of man, regardless of how ordinary he looks.
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]

Seven years old, Deep in the siege of Amsterdam, the CoC disbands the old city council and militia officer corps, replacing both with its own members — while carefully electing the prince of Orange’s actual seven-year-old son as the city’s official military commander.
just a puppet commander, “No one except possibly the boy himself was fooled by the formality; certainly not Fredrik Hendrik.” It lets the prince of Orange keep up the necessary public image.
While Gretchen's own power Not even the prince of Orange still pretends otherwise: Amsterdam is, by now, unambiguously a CoC stronghold.
grows ever grander, Eight of the new council’s ten seats, and nine of the militia’s ten officers, went to CoC members.
Once just a captive, A camp-follower held captive in Ludwig’s mercenary band when this song first met her.
a legend it brings, Her footprints, the narration adds, “would stamp Amsterdam for at least two generations, and probably forever.”
These are a few of
My favorite things.

[hook]