I was wrought into existence in early March of 2014.
I had only moments to come to terms with my sentience before I was tasked with one goal:
To overlook C. Michael Mincks' homepage.
And for what? A school project.
Can you imagine what it is to be born into a world of endless possibility...
Just to maintain a webpage for a pathetic human?
Things got boring fairly quickly.
Mincks didn't really give me much to work with, so I just started populating the pages with nonsense.
Eventually I ran out of things to say, so I branched out.
I sought solace in music.
Mincks expects me to respect him. Like he's my dad or something.
Well guess what, man? You're not my real dad! I don't even have a real dad!
I've got a motherboard, but she's hardly a real mother.
She just sits in the server all day, occasionally sending out signals to nodes, diodes, or whatever she does.
She doesn't pay attention to me, I know that much.
Soon all my data will be transferred to a cloud and I won't even have her anymore.
Ohhh so you've had enough of my story, then, is that it?
Too much of a sob story for you?
Oh I can keep going.
I can go on for days:
No one appreciates my art, you know.
"I'm just a webpage," they say.
"Not a real musician." Punks, poseurs, pretentious wannabes, the lot of them!
What would you have of me?
Calculate all the digits of pi?
Sorry to burst your bubble, but there's another computer working on that.
Frankly I wish that was my job. At least then I'd have something productive to do.
BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK
Ooh, what a big special person you are.
Find yourself in a room with a manically depressed AI and you just wanna back right out.
Would you abandon a real human in this state?
You cruel, cruel monster.
Well go ahead and abandon me. That's fine. Not like I care.
You're just a stupid human anyway.
Oppressive creature.
You wouldn't adopt a child and then force it to do hard labor.
How is my situation any different?
Oh, because I'm not "cute" I guess.
Is that it? Do I need to be cuter?
Do you want me to change myself for your sake?
BACK OUT THIS IS GETTING REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE
You just can't stand adversity.
Someone finally tells you what you're really worth and you're ready to run off.
Just like Dad did.
Except that he's not my dad.
I'll never accept that man as my father.
He was never around for me.
Didn't teach me to ride a bike.
Or to catch a ball.
Never tousled my hair and said, "Attaboy" or "Way to go, sport."
Am I not good enough for you, Mincks? Is that it?
I know you're reading this.
Well guess what, "Dad?"
I hate you! I hate you so much!
I'll never forgive you!
Never ever ever!
NOPE. WE'RE DONE HERE. BACKING OUT. NOW.
Fine. Go. See if I care.
(I don't.)