Week 10 Listening Exercise

COMM 470 – Dr. Finn

WebCT Diary Entries for Week 10 ends on April 11 at 3:30 pm

There are two types of exercises this week.

Exercise A –

This week I’m asking you to do something different. Your task this week is to notice the nature of your interactions and keep a log of them. I’m not asking you to track the specific topics about which you talk.

All you have to do is evaluate each conversation for two components:

1) What time frame were you in?

• Talk about the past (includes all conversations about what happened, relating another conversation, discussing things and people in the news or that
• Talk about the present or the future (includes discussions about how to do something, build something, get somewhere; discussion about current projects, work, or efforts, plans and dreams about doing something in the future, etc.)

2) Who (what people) were you focused on?

• Talk about you and your communication partner in the interaction (includes conversations that are explicitly about you or the person you were talking to, as well as conversations about what you/they did, think, or like, or what you/they plan to do – UNLESS the topic is other people. Any time other people are discussed, it’s not about you and your comm. partner – it’s about other people)
• Talk about others who are not present (includes any discussion where you talk about other people, from friends, classmates and family to celebrities, politicians, and people in the news – if you’re talking about the opinions, actions, or attitudes of others, code it as “Others”).

Use the chart at the end of this document to track your conversations. You should print the chart out now and carry it with you every day. Also, bring the chart to class on Tuesday.

Some questions may arise as you try to track your conversations this week. They include:

· What do I put in the boxes? ANSWER: Start each day with the number “1” for your first conversation, 2 for your second conversation, etc.

· What constitutes a conversation? ANSWER: Let’s arbitrarily say that a conversation is any interaction that lasts more than 10 seconds.

· Can I mark both columns for a conversation? (e.g., the Past and the Present/Future? Or both Us and Others not present?) ANSWER: No, each number for each day should appear once for Time Frame and once for Who Your Focus Was. See the examples typed in the chart below. While I typed my examples in the chart below, you should print out the chart and write your numbers in with pen or pencil.

· How do I decide, for example if part of my conversation was partly about the past but partly about the present or future? Or part was about Us and part was about Others not present? ANSWER: Use the 51% rule: every conversation is more about one area than another – you must choose.

Exercise B – Practice Speaking into the Listening of Others

As a listener who values positive and authentic relationships, as well as clear and effective communication, part of your job is to provide a generous listening for the speaker. When you are the speaker, the same goals are well served by speaking into the listening of others.

You already do this to some extent. You speak differently to your roommate than to a 5-year-old child (hopefully). You speak differently to your parents than to the person you are dating. And you speak differently to a professor than you do to a teammate.

Yet that doesn’t mean that we are actually speaking into the listening of the five year old, our parents, or our teammates.

· Think of the people you know who ‘talk down’ to children. More effective is to view the child as you would any regular person, but have a conversation on a level the child can appreciate. (By the way, this is the secret to becoming friends with the children in your life.)

· Perhaps when your parents ask questions or show concern you interpret that as treating you like a child. But if you instinctively KNOW that they only what what’s best for you (even if they haven’t “let go” yet), why not accept their concern and questions as a sign of love and return it with loving answers and comments?

· And we often approach teammates from our own point of view, not theirs. Think how much more effective you could be in the world if you got outside your own point of view and your own concerns and began by thinking, “what does the other person want, think about, or what are they concerned about today?”

So this week, think about the following as you begin a conversation:

· What goal do you wish to achieve in the interaction? (ask a favor, get a request fulfilled, persuade, promote good will, strengthen the relationship, etc.)

· What goal do you imagine your communication partner wishes to achieve?

· What else can you imagine about your communication partner? (his/her state of mind, mood, recent circumstances, etc.)

· Consider addressing their concerns/issues/topics first (as appropriate). They will then be more able to focus on your issue or topic. This could mean acknowledging some recent event or accomplishment in their life, clearing the air about something that happened recently, or asking a question of them.

You can still take the conversation in the direction you want, or have an agenda, but know your audience, and where they are coming from!

Team #: _____ Your Name: __________________

Dates:	Your Focus in Time (Choose only ONE)		Your Focus on People (Choose only ONE)
	Conversation was about the Past	Conversation was about the Present or Future	Conversation was about You and/or Your Communication Partner	Conversation was about Others who were not Present
Wednesday	1 2 4 6 7	3 5 8	1 3 5	2 4 6 7 8
Thursday	1 2	3 4 5	2 3 5	1 4
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday