David's comments
1. This is a great revision of your research question.
It is much more powerful and easier to understand. Great job on the
intro!
2. This is an awkward beginning to the second paragraph because
there is no prior indication that Lau was a CA case. (NOTE:
I added the first sentence to paragraph two to remedy this criticism. VFD)
3. Watch your paragraphing. This long paragraph that
begins at the bottom of p. 2 and runs to the middle of p.3 really has two
major ideas: 1) background in ESL/bilingual situation; and 2) what
LEP students need to succeed and the consequences of not getting that.
In general, you should be suspicious of any paragraph that runs more than
about a half a page.
This version of your paper is a substantial improvement over the
last. Nice job. Your arguments about the urgency of ESL/bilingual
education are convincing. I want to point out, though, that your
focus is a little off for this particular assignment (though not for the
research paper). The arguments are supposed to be about why the question
is important to address the concerns first raised by Lau, not so
much about the need for ESL/bilingual education. Do you see the difference?
This will be an important issue when you go to write a dissertation because
you need to justify the question not the policy. Now,
I think you've focused on the question by discussing the consequences of
poor implementation, but it is not quite as clear as I would ultimately
like to see it. |